She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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