I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Randomize
