can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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