Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
