Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
