didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I skipped work to stalk him.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
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