smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
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