Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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