if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
