Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
