Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
