Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
