Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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