absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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