I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
