I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
