She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize