I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
