my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
