and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
