I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
