I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
