If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i can't believe i had my finger in that
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
