i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
