dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
