I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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