I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
