Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
