I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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