This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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