the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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