I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
