is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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