PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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