I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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