Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
