He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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