I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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