im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
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