i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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