The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
is wine microwaveable?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize