Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
