Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
