What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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