Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
