Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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