Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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