Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
