I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
