any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
