I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
