The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
why do cheetos always look like penises
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
