this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
