Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Barsexuality is the new black.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
