I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
