Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I could fuck to npr.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
