I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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