Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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