Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
