Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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