I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
