Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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