I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
