I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
