i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Who died my cat blue again?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
