im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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