i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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