I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
