I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
